Monday, September 17, 2018

Pay Per View Review: WWE Hell In A Cell (2018)

We are back with another PPV Review. Yesterday's WWE show was better than it's been in a while... But still not flawless. I still had fun though. Maybe it's just because All In just happened, and WWE knew it had to up the ante a little bit. It still had stuff for me to rage about though.


There was only one match on the pre-show, and oddly enough, I actually caught it. I know I usually only reserve that for the big 4, but considering we were celebrating my Mama Cynth's birthday (Even though it was the day before) It was one of my favorite ways to spend a day. Also, I have a blog entry where we celebrated my wife's birthday, and I STILL haven't posted it. I'm wet human garbage. I'll get to it.

The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Big E w/Xavier Woods) (c) defeated Rusev Day (Rusev and Aiden English w/Lana) to retain the Smackdown Tag Team Championships - I gotta admit, I was super bummed to see this on the pre-show. It had a tournament involving the Bar, and had a good amount of build up, and still only made the pre-show. The only match on the pre-show. As per ushe, there were commercials during the match, and took away from the actual meaning behind it. Bummer. Still a decent match, but nothing compared to it would have been had it made the main card.


1. Randy Orton defeated Jeff Hardy in a Hell in a Cell Match - This feud has been confusing me for a while now. It kinda had to do with the United States Championship (allow me to take this time to say that I find if ridonk that Shinsuke Nakamura wasn't on the card defending the title. Or at all. Lame sauce) but they created a personal feud. And you know what? This shit fucking worked. I love how Jeff finally got his wish of being in a Cell match (I can't imagine most normal people would WANT to be in this) but these two put on an amazing match. I'm seeing a lot of memes of people being okay with blood, but cringing about the screw driver into the earlobe part. Fuck those people. One of my favorite matches is Cactus Jack vs. Triple H at the Royal Rumble. Street Fight. However, I never cringed the way I did when Randy Orton put a screw driver into Jeff Hardy's gauged ear and twisted it to no end. That's fucking terrible. Then Jeff pushed the limits of the cell and swung off the truss and landed on a table into nothing. He lost, of course. This match was the opener, and in my opinion changed the game of what it meant to be inside the cell. The ref tried to end it, but Randy insisted that he count him after the pin. The injury, the heel work, was exactly what you want out of this kind of match. It was perfect.

2. Becky Lynch defeated Charlotte Flair (c) to win the Smackdown Women's Championship - YES!!! Sorry... Trying to be objective. Sorry, can't. I wanted the result at Summerslam. And even when Becky "turned heel" she wasn't an actual heel. They put on the most amazing match, where Becky countered a spear and won. Charlotte wanted to shake her hand, and Becky said no, because WWE thinks Becky is the heel here. She's not. Becky said she won't let this moment get stolen from her. She is the face. Becky is the FACE OF SMACKDOWN. I won't apologize for this. Charlotte is a heel. It is what it is.

3. Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre (c) defeated The Shield (Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose) to retain the Raw Tag Team Championships - This match was the way tag team wrestling should be done. So many hot tags that didn't mean anything. We knew the Shield would win. We knew that. So Ziggler and McIntyre won. It was so incredible, I can't pimp this one out enough. It's what tag team wrestling in WWE should always be.

4. AJ Styles (c) defeated Samoa Joe??? for the WWE Championship??? - First of all.. the OLDEST CHAMPIONSHIP IN THE COMPANY IS STILL A MID CARD MATCH..... Secondly... It ended in controversy. AJ won after flipping the Coquina Clutch into a pin. But he tapped. This fucks everything up. AJ won, because the ref didn't see him obviously tap out. So this feud continues. As much as I love AJ... And I do... It's time for him to pass the belt on. He doesn't have the Okada style strangle hold on the belt. Let's change it up.

5. The Miz and Maryse defeated Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella - In a re-run of Wrestlemania when Nikki Bella and John Cena defeated Miz and Maryse... This time the heels won. Last PPV, Miz used brass knux. Here? Brie couldn't kick out. I'd love to see this be the feud of all feuds, and making Miz and Maryse win will only help the bottom line. We will love to finally, FINALLY watch Daniel Bryan beat the Miz... maybe at Wrestlemania?

6. Ronda Rousey (c) defeated Alexa Bliss to retain the Raw Women's Championship - So... I've made this joke before in private, but I'll make it now, my wife HATES Ronda Rousey in WWE. I feel like my wife just wants to sip the Haterade. Rousey can, CAN do better. But she still puts on entertaining matches. She was dealing with issues with her ribs, so she was in hell. But she eventually tore through Bliss and did her thing. Again, I couldn't imagine this match ending any other way.

7. Roman Reigns (c) and Braun Strowman went to a no contest in a Hell in a Cell match for the WWE Universal Championship with Mick Foley as the Guest Referee:  This match tried to do stuff. Braun was a beast for the majority of it. Then his guys, Ziggler and McIntyre came out. So the Shield responded. It ended up becoming a feud where Ziggler and Rollins crashed through a table. Then Brock Lesnar's music hit, he came out, Heyman dropped a bunch of goddammit bombs, he sprayed Foley in the eyes with mace, and then Lesnar layed out Strowman and Reigns with some F5's. and then a ref came out and declared the match over.


Are you fucking kidding me? It's become a meme (because it doesn't take long for that to happen) but Mick Foley got thrown off the cell, taken out on a gurney, then climbed back up, choke slammed through it again, and had a tooth fly into his nose.

I am not going to say that the new crop is soft. Because we can't expect every wrestler to do some life altering shit like this. But.....

Mankind kept going after being thrown off a cell, and then being chokeslammed off of the top.

That's all the context we need. 2 F5's, and these "Big Dogs" and "Monsters Among Men" fucking bitch out???

Sorry to say that these matches were over. It's so lame... But it is what it is.

So, my match of the night? It's hard to say. I loved the match between Jeff Hardy and Randy Orton. Good for them, they made a spectacle and it was disgusting. Huzzah for them.

But, I can't see another way around it. For me, there's only one match. Match of the Night is Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair for the Smackdown Women's Championship. Good for her. Love it. She made an ordinary match that could have ended in 4 minutes into a match that we never saw coming, and she fucking won. Then, she told her that her winning is more important than Charlotte's ego. This is perfection. This was story telling perfection. And I loved every second of it.

Future PPVs... You have a lot to learn from the 2 women who put on a clinic.



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