Friday, November 2, 2018

Pay Per View Review: WWE Crown Jewel (2018)


This show was unfiltered WWE garbage. I wish I had gone with my previous sentiment of not watching it on moral grounds. Now I've just subjected myself to a massive shit show. Hope Vince really enjoys that fucking blood money.

Let's get this over with.

Kick Off Show

Shinsuke Nakamura (c) defeated Rusev to retain the United States Championship - It was a match. Rusev lost. Next.

Main Show

1. Rey Mysterio defeated Randy Orton in the Quarter Finals of the Best in the World Tournament - Super quick match, probably just had to move things along. He rolled up Orton, and then got an RKO and attacked afterward. This isn't a harbinger for things to come at all.

2. The Miz defeated Jeff Hardy in the Quarter Finals of the Best in the World Tournament - Again, another super quick match. I know these are just the openers, but how are we supposed to believe that these performers can be called the best in the world when a simple finisher puts them out in less than 10 minutes? Seriously: all of the quarter final matches were less than 10 minutes. CM Punk would be spinning in his grave over the whole Best in the World thing.

What? Not dead? Oh dear...

3. Seth Rollins defeated Bobby Lashley w/Lio Rush in the Quarter Finals of the Best in the World Tournament - Ugh. That annoying little shit made the trip with Lashley. Again, just a quick match. I know Seth is good, but couldn't he have proved it?

4. Dolph Ziggler w/Drew McIntyre defeated Kurt Angle in the Quarter Finals of the Best in the World Tournament - One of the best of all time lost clean to a Zig Zag in less than 10 minutes. For real. No disrespect to Dolph Ziggler, hell of a wrestler, but this was just ludicrous.

5. The Bar (Sheamus and Cesaro) (c) w/The Big Show defeated The New Day to retain the Smackdown Tag Team Championships - New Day came out on a magic carpet and it was the slowest fucking thing I could imagine. Because we're in Saudi Arabia, I get it. Magic carpets, and enchanted lamps, and murdered, dismembered journalists... Oh wait, that wasn't in Aladdin. But yeah, this was just a tag team match. Nothing to get excited about. Bad guys won, good guys lost. Who gives a fuck.

6. The Miz defeated Rey Mysterio in the Semi Finals of the Best in the World Tournament - Here's where it got good, the semi finals. Miz and Rey had a good match, but the wear and tear from his assault from Orton was too much for Rey. Now we've achieved some story telling, let's keep going. As if.

7. Dolph Ziggler w/Drew McIntyre defeated Seth Rollins - Again, 2 guys who know how to tell a story doing just that. Shame this wasn't the final. McIntyre did get involved and cost Rollins the match, which admittedly is cheap considering it's to see who the best is, but it still entertained me.

8. AJ Styles (c) defeated Samoa Joe to retain the WWE Championship - Color me shocked, but this one didn't wow me, considering Bryan refused to show at this atrocity of a PPV (and good on him for that), I never actually felt AJ was gonna lose. The match was solid enough. But it could and should have been much more.

9. Brock Lesnar defeated Braun Strowman to win the Vacant Universal Championship - Get the fuck out. More of this gutter trash? At least Braun got screwed over as Corbin hit him with the belt before the match officially started. They might be able to salvage a story line out of this, but no matter how you cut it we are back to the Brock Bullshit. Get ready for another year of this dog shit. Hopefully I'm wrong.

10. Shane McMahon defeated Dolph Ziggler in the Finals of the Best in the World Tournament - No no no, I'm dead fucking serious. Serious as a heart attack. Hear me out, because this is a gas: McIntyre got ejected, then Miz started beating on Ziggler, then while getting out of the ring Miz "injured" his leg, causing the ref to declare a forfeit from the Miz. Shane said no, and replaced Miz in the finals.

DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST FUCKING SAID???.... did you read what I just fucking typed...

I can't make this shit up. This was just allowed because reasons. Ziggler wrestled 2 matches before this and our fresh as daisies commissioner is just allowed to do whatever the fuck he wants??? And Shane is supposed to be the babyface! Many of us were worried that Stephanie would overstep her boundaries and actually compete at Evolution, and we can all be happy she didn't. But Shane couldn't leave well enough alone. This is fucking clown shoes.

11. D-Generation X (Triple H and Shawn Michaels) defeated The Brother of Destruction (The Undertaker and Kane) - I remember watching a WWE 24 where Undertaker looked into the camera and actually said he worried about becoming a parody of himself. Well... Too late. This was a terrible Main Event, and no amount of nostalgia could convince me otherwise. It's true that Michaels does "still got it", but Kane and Taker got gassed in the first few minutes. So many botches, and the way both big men took the Pedigree was just laughable. They just bent slightly and dropped to the floor. My 6 year old niece could kick out of that. Ooo! Also, during a moonsault from the inside out from Michaels, Kane's mask and wig came off at one point. Hilarious. Almost as hilarious as the fact that this was just the main event.

I feel I am owed some kind of refund for this.

And that was the big PPV from Saudi Arabia. Because totalitarian abuses of power and murder are okay, but contract violations aren't.

There's no joke to make here. Fuck this show. Skip it. Let me take the hit, and take me at my word if you haven't seen it yet. Nothing here is worth your time. Well, almost nothing...

Match of the Night

Seth Rollins vs. Dolph Ziggler in the semi finals was the only great match. While Miz and Mysterio wasn't bad, it can't compare to this one. Seriously. That's it. You can literally skip the rest of this PPV. None of it meant a goddamn thing.

This is just embarrassing, and so soon after Evolution.



Thursday, November 1, 2018

Pay Per View Review: WWE Evolution (2018)

The first ever all women's pay per view.... *mumbles under breath* in WWE....

Yes, there have been others. And yes this is the first in WWE, but I guess we aren't allowed to know about the ones in the indies and Impact Wrestling.

But you know what? Let's take this as the win it is. And let's run down the card!

Also, I know that the ring and stage were set up like a house show. No, this doesn't bother me. Should they have gotten the full over the top, WWE PPV treatment? Of course they SHOULD have, but I think it helps focus on the wrestling. Because watching this show even for a minute will tell you that this isn't a glorified house show. Unlike others who went the other direction, that were massive spectacles who's matches were the lamest of the lame *cough, Greatest Royal Rumble, cough*

I hear tale that Rhea Ripley defeated Dakota Kai to retain the WWE UK Women's Championship, but it was a dark match. Also we aren't supposed to know that Rhea Ripley has that yet, I don't think. I don't believe that tournament has aired on the Network yet. I admit I haven't checked.

The night kicked off with Nita Strauss on guitar performing the theme of the evening. I admit I didn't catch the other woman's name who was the singer, but this was a great way to kick off the show.

1. Lita and Trish Stratus defeated Alicia Fox and Mickie James w/Alexa Bliss - This bummed me out a bit, as it was supposed to be Alexa Bliss in the match and she got a nagging injury that pulled her from the show. I know she would have loved to have been in the match, but good that Fox at least got a spot to wrestle. Still, this blast of nostalgia wasn't over done, and seeing Trish and Lita do their thing was a cool way to start the night.

2. Nia Jax won the 20 Woman Battle Royal to earn a shot at the Raw Women's Championship by last eliminating Ember Moon - Ember Moon was white hot during this match, but considering the following day they're teasing a Nia Jax heel turn, maybe this is the right way to go. Either way, it didn't feel like a throwaway, especially because every woman got her own entrance.

The Participants: Billie Kay and Peyton Royce (The IIconics), Molly Holly, Kelly Kelly, Torrie Wilson, Sonya Deville, Alundra Blayze, Maria Kanellis, Lana, Mandy Rose, Dana Brooke, Michelle McCool, Naomi, Carmella, Ivory, Asuka, Tamina and Zelina Vega.

3. Toni Storm defeated Io Shirai in the Finals to win the Mae Young Classic - This match was damn good. If I had to critique anything, I just wish they'd gotten some more time. The 2nd annual Mae Young Classic is now in the books, and it was even better than last year. Can't wait for the next one! Hopefully we see Io Shirai try again next year, as Toni Storm was in the 1st one and got the win this time.

4. Sasha Banks, Bayley, and Natalya defeated the Riott Squad (Ruby Riott, Sarah Logan and Liv Morgan) - Even this 6 person tag, which almost always suck, was damn good. I had this originally pegged as possibly the weakest match of the night, but it was a strong showing. I know Sasha idolized Eddie Guerrero, so seeing her end the match with the Frog Splash was pretty rad. All that aside, I do think the Riott Squad needed the win here more than the Face team.

5. Shayna Baszler defeated Kairi Sane (c) to win the NXT Women's Championship - Speaking of the Mae Young Classic, these two were the finalists of last year's. So they go back a ways, and since then they've traded losses, and battled for the Women's Championship. However, thanks to some outside interference from Marina Shafir and Jessamyn Duke (2 of the other 4 Horsewomen) Baszler was able to capitalize and slap her Kirifuda Clutch and pick up her 2nd title, making her the first woman to hold the NXT Women's Championship twice. This was a pretty good match, now I just can't wait to see where this goes from here (hopefully at WarGames)

6. Becky Lynch (c) defeated Charlotte Flair in a Last Woman Standing Match to retain the Smackdown Women's Championship - I have a massive complaint about this match: It didn't headline the show. It was easily good enough to close the night out. Were they worried having a heel retain would piss off the crowd? Nah dude, we fuckin love asshole Becky. It's been her best work yet. And this match did what all the other great No DQ style matches did, which was utilize the hardcore environment and not use it as a crutch, but use it to tell a richer story. This one had everything I could have wanted and more. If you seriously only catch one match on this card, make sure it's this one.

7. Ronda Rousey (c) defeated Nikki Bella w/Brie Bella to retain the Raw Women's Championship - I know this pairing pissed a lot of people off. I get that. I would have rather seen Ronda Rousey square off against someone else too. But another thing people are still getting at Rousey about (my darling wife included) is just a visceral hatred for her in the ring. To them I say: Have you been fucking watching her matches? Rousey is way better in the ring than she has any right to be, considering how she's been doing this for like 5 minutes and is already damn solid between the ropes. Many were worried she'd be like Lesnar and bail. This has clearly not been the case. While admittedly not the match I'd like to see close out the night, and not the pairing I'd have preferred, Rousey pulled out a damn good match and made Nikki Bella look good.

And that wraps up WWE's first all women's PPV. And just like every one of these I do, it's time for me to declare a match of the night.

I'm pretty sure you can deduce this on your own, but it was obviously Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair. I can't poke any holes in this one. Whether you like Charlotte or not, is irrelevant. They have great chemistry and it is a must watch.

That's it for now!

I can't decide what to do for Crown Jewel. Whether I decide to watch it, I haven't decided. I know I said I wouldn't, but, I dunno. I kind of want to review it now, because it has to follow this show, and I don't think it has a chance. I'd love to put it on blast.

I will be at a wedding for NJPW Power Struggle, so I'm gonna review that one when I get around to watching it. I'll probably watch it Sunday night after I get back from the wedding.

Lots of wrestling stuff lately, but I'll try to bang out some other content. Any requests?



Saturday, October 20, 2018

WWE Crown Jewel Controversy

Where the fuck do I start with this one?

For the casual reader, you're welcome here too. This isn't a wrestling entry... Kinda. 

So if you don't follow wrestling, let me give you a bit of back story. This past April WWE took themselves to Saudi Arabia for The Greatest Royal Rumble event. It was a massive spectacle in Jeddah, and was the start of a 10 year relationship with the Saudi government and the WWE. It already drew the ire of the fans, as the event did not feature any of the female members of the roster as women are not allowed to perform in the country. 

Read more about the deal here, then come back.

In fact, since Crown Jewel is happening on November 2nd, a lot of people are speculating that WWE Evolution, the first ever all women's Pay Per View in the company's historythat is happening on October 28th, is merely a consolation prize to save face so that while the women are still excluded from Saudi Arabia they at least get a show all for them. Form your own opinions on that one.

But now in the wake of the disappearance, murder and dismemberment of Jamal Khashoggi, there is now a ton of pressure on WWE to pull out of Saudi Arabia and hold the event somewhere... anywhere else. And for fucking good reason.

Please read up on the matter. I'm not gonna go into it on the blog, but read this article for some more details, then come back.

You back? Cool.

This is a delicate situation. Most of the WWE roster doesn't want to do this show. I strongly feel this event needs to be moved elsewhere. I feel the ties to the Saudi Government also need to be severed, but here's the issue: Vince McMahon is a bit of a cunt and is thinking with his wallet, and each event he does with the Saudis brings him about 45 million a year. 450 million over 10 years, a shit load of money. He may not be keen to let a cash cow get away from him. But going through with this will get more heat from the fans than I think is healthy.

So what is to be done? Should I cancel my subscription to the WWE Network and speak with my wallet? I mean I could, I don't know if one 9.99 subscriber will dent his pockets too badly. But I'm not thinking about his pockets. I'm thinking about his roster of talent, a majority of which are uncomfortable with this and don't want to go. I'm thinking about the NXT talent, and the women in the Mae Young classic who aren't even signed with the company. It's a morally grey area, and there isn't a solid answer for this one. 

There is one thing I can do, and it's the reason I'm writing this entry, because this does impact my blog. If they pull out of Saudi Arabia and do the show anywhere else, I will of course watch it and do a PPV Review like I do with all the other events I watch. 

However, if WWE refuses to do anything further other than  not mentioning Saudi Arabia at all on Smackdown (yes I noticed that), and goes on with the show, then I will not be covering it in the PPV Review rotation. I won't watch it or give it any unnecessary attention. I will treat this like I treat dogs, small children, and adults throwing tantrums (side bar, the adults throwing tantrums are the biggest cunts on the planet), and that is the concept that I won't reward bad behavior. Fuck the money and fuck this whole situation.

But form your own opinions.



Saturday, October 6, 2018

Pay Per View Review: WWE Super Show-Down (2018)

So this is quite possibly the best PPV the WWE has put on this year. And it is marred by one of the worst main events I've seen in a while. Kind of. Vague, I know, but I'll elaborate.

I am actually starting this blog the same day I watched it. It was live from Australia, and aired at 2 AM this morning. I naturally wasn't going to catch it live, so I started it this morning. Let's run through this, as there's a lot to unpack here.

1. The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods) w/Big E (c) defeated The Bar (Cesaro and Sheamus) to retain the Smackdown Tag Team Championships - I don't have much to say about this one. It was a solid opener, and these two teams usually put on a good match. I admit I kinda wanted the Bar to win, but this was still good.

2. Charlotte Flair defeated Becky Lynch (c) by Disqualification in a match for the Smackdown Women's Championship - I would love to see Becky Lynch do more, and her recent "heel" turn (she's supposed to be a heel, but no one can stop cheering her) has been great, but to see her get herself intentionally disqualified? That was lame. It messed up what was turning out to be a really good match. I dunno. I'm usually pretty critical of PPV matches that end in no contests or DQs. We see them all the time on Raw and Smackdown, I'd like a conclusive finish SOME of the time. This just means this feud is gonna stretch out further, and I am actually kinda sick of Charlotte, and have been for some time.

3. Bobby Lashley and John Cena defeated Elias and Kevin Owens - That 6th move of doom. Christ. All one minute that Cena was in the match... Ugh. Whatever, it was a special attraction I guess. It made the crowd happy. Good for all of them.

4. The IIconics (Billie Kay and Peyton Royce) defeated Naomi and Asuka - Seriously? Okay. Sure. How far Asuka has fallen. At least she didn't get pinned here. I didn't imagine that the IIconics would get the win, as the returning hometown superstars rarely get the win. So when the Australian tag team got the win, I was actually surprised. This match was pretty good. Next!

5. AJ Styles (c) defeated Samoa Joe by Submission to retain the WWE Championship in a No DQ, No Count Out match - I'm done asking why the best performers, and the most prestigious championship in the company LITERALLY goes on in the middle of the show. I keep asking this, and it keeps happening. Cool. The WWE title is now the midcard. Take notice. Also, it just sucks for everyone else who had to follow this. It's freaking AJ vs. Joe. Of COURSE it's gonna be good. It was hard hitting, it was no DQ but didn't overly depend on hardcore spots, and it told a damn good story without over doing it. Good luck rest of the card...

6. The Bella Twins and Ronda Rousey (c) defeated The Riott Squad - I didn't hate this match, it was just a bit predictable. It was entertaining enough. The double arm bar that Rousey but on Sarah Logan and Liv Morgan was actually pretty cool. I still just want to see Ruby Riott get her hands on the Raw Women's Championship, though.

7. Buddy Murphy defeated Cedric Alexander (c) to win the WWE Cruiserweight Championship - Not gonna lie, I didn't even know this was on the card. I was so pleasantly surprised to see this happen. And hell, we got Buddy Murphy who straight up is from Melbourne, and he freaking won! That was exciting in itself, but the match was terrific as well. They came to play. God I wish the Cruiserweights would get more PPV time.

8. The Shield defeated Braun Strowman, Dolph Ziggler, and Drew McIntyre - This one was also surprisingly good. There was a lot of teasing in the weeks before this that Dean Ambrose may turn on the Shield. And in this match he even caught a wild Superman Punch from Roman Reigns. But he didn't turn on them, and they actually pulled off an entertaining win. It was a pretty good one, you should look forward to this if you catch the show.

9. Daniel Bryan defeated The Miz to become the #1 Contender for the WWE Championship - This match was over in 2:25. Dead freaking serious. I'm not sure how I feel about this one. I would love to see Daniel Bryan perform for longer, and watching him so quickly and easily beat The Miz seems counter productive to the narrative they've been telling for weeks. But hey, a Bryan win is a win, and he will go on to Crown Jewel in Saudi Arabia to challenge AJ Styles for the WWE Championship. At least a match dictating the future of the title went on close to last.

10. Triple H defeated The Undertaker - As soon as it was revealed that Shawn Michaels would be in Triple H's corner and Kane would be in the Undertaker's corner, I already started to feel a bit of dread. I didn't like where this was going. Then when the match was about to start it was announced that it was now a No DQ match. My dread was confirmed. I would have loved nothing more than to just see The Undertaker and Triple H go one on one, as this whole debacle was billed as "The Last Time Ever". In the grand scheme of things, this match was trash. Right from the start Michaels wouldn't just bug the fuck off. Then at one point the referee started admonishing Kane while Michaels was still helping set up a table, but the ref didn't say dick to Michaels. Also, why was he admonishing Kane to begin with?! It's a fucking NO DQ MATCH!!! That's just bad storytelling. So many people keep bringing up the End of an Era Match that Triple H and Undertaker had in Hell in a Cell at Wrestlemania 28. That match is so fondly remembered, but... I hated that match too. All because of Shawn Michaels constant interfering. It becomes such a bummer. And yeah, I'm sure they brought all these extra players to hide the fact that Undertaker can't really go in the ring like he used to, but still. This match was busy, and convoluted, and was just straight up WWE garbage. I can't believe we had to watch Triple H cry in the ring at the end like he actually did something, when it was an HBK super kick into a Pedigree that ended the match. And where the fuck was Kane? Horrible back up. Get it together. Then they all celebrated together in a show of respect... Just to have the Brothers of Destruction fuck up DX one more time. And you know what? I don't blame them in the least for this. This match had all the potential to be good, and it just... wasn't. Everything Samoa Joe vs. AJ did right with the No DQ rule is what I kinda hoped this match would have done.

I know that this isn't the last time, and I know there's more to come. Can we just not? The nostalgia acts aren't doing it for me anymore.

Oh, and get this: I hear that Saudi Arabia wants to pay the Rock 20 million dollars to wrestle as the WWE Champion next year. Can we just NOT? I don't wanna see the belt on another part timer. Seriously. No more.

But, that's a lot of money. Let's be realistic. Okay, time to go on. This is a review, not a full on opinion piece.


I kinda was feeling the Cruiserweight title match, and it's close. Super close. But I gotta give it to AJ Styles and Samoa Joe. That match was just fucking fantastic. If you only catch one match from this PPV, make sure it's this one.

And that's all for now. Next time I do this will be in 3 weeks.



Thursday, September 20, 2018

What the F**k Is Up With While You Were Sleeping?

Is it considered blasphemy to even suggest that Sandra Bullock does wrong? Is it even worse of me that I am about to tear into a movie from 1995? Well, I mean, someone has to do it, might as well be me.

This is one of those rare times where I am about to tear into something that I actually kind of enjoy. But it seriously does have a lot of issues that I can't help but point out. Being something I enjoy does not save you from being put on blast.

Our story begins with Lucy, a lonely token monkey for the Chicago Transit Authority. She pines daily over Peter, a piece of man candy (?) whom she sees every day and secretly is planning to be married to? I mean, whatever, 90s rom-coms have had weirder stuff. Right?

Well, Lucy is forced to work on Christmas because she is the only one in the toll booth who doesn't have any family, so she gets convinced to do it. On Christmas Day Peter tells her "Merry Christmas, yo," and then she brain farts and says nothing. Then, in what is one of the single most "Um, what?!" moments, these teenage kids accost Peter over his coat or something, and then I guess it got physical, because he ended up falling onto the track and falling into a coma.

Time the fuck out. That shorter hoodlum barely touched him and he went flying. He landed on the back of his head but his wound was above his right eyebrow. I mean, maybe that eyebrow (and, Jeezus Christ Peter Gallagher has some fucking caterpillars) He openly admits later in the film that he pretended to pull a hamstring when chasing a mugger. He's clearly a gutless coward, and I'm sure he exaggerated the whole thing. I'm gonna have to say the caterpillar injury was inadvertent, and fell into a coma after trying to be a fucking ham.

So, throughout all of this... Did anyone investigate those 2 hoodlum kids? Lucy goes straight to the hospital with Peter, and gets in because a nurse hears her say she wanted to marry him, thus confusing her as his fiancee, thus forwarding the plot of the movie. But even though there was a cop in the hospital room and he did question her... Did she identify those 2 hoodlums? Seriously, her fucking job is to take tokens and admit people onto the platform. She was the only one working because it was Christmas. I guess I didn't need to SEE this identification happen, but they could have at least acknowledged it.

So. What happened for the business for that platform for the rest of the day? She bailed. And yeah, she probably didn't get a LOT of business, but if I found out that a public transport was open on Christmas day, and it meant I didn't have to take a car to a relative's house, you better fucking believe I'm gonna bank on taking the train (I am a well-documented cheapskate). Did those people have to wait for someone to come and re-open it? This was the age before cell phones were common, so did they even have a complaint line posted? Did the boss Jerry have to come in himself or plead with Celeste to come in on her holiday off? This was just after Lucy was announced as being the employee of the month, is that the reason why she didn't get in trouble or even a quick talking to for bailing from her post?

Yes. I overthink stuff. Is this your first time at this blog?!

If it is, then I apologize. Welcome, I like to drastically overthink stuff. Don't believe me? Here's what I had to say about Stuart Little.

This is far from the worst thing about this entry. Of course, wacky 90s hijinks ensue, like Jack passing out after donating blood, no one acknowledging quite the severity of the fractured relationship between Peter and his family (Saul briefly brings this up, but it's just in passing. "They think they have Peter back."), the fact that Lucy essentially makes his mother handle his testicles to prove he only has one. While he was comatose. This movie is like a fucked up onion. It just gets weirder the more layers you go through.

So all these things happen, and the movie just keeps on going. I don't need to explain the rest of the movie, until the ending. The ending is the most disturbing thing I can imagine. She gets proposed to by Jack, and they get married. She openly says that Peter will ask her when she fell in love with Jack, and it was... While You Were Sleeping.

Does this not disturb anyone as much as it disturbs me? I mean, no marriage. Jack, you don't marry this one. There are all kinds of manipulative red flags masquerading as loneliness. Once this is all done, how is that going to be explained to people that meet them for the first time? "Oh, how did you guys meet?" Now, before I go into this, it's not that big of a deal how people meet. Some of my favorite people don't have the best story. I had another girlfriend when I met my now wife. And they were best friends. Isn't THAT some shit about me you didn't know. But you know what? I can still tell a sweet version of that story that is still 100% true. So I ask again: "Oh, how did you meet?" "Oh well, I was pining for this handsome guy with great caterpillars for an indefinite amount of time and then he got hurt, so I managed to finagle my way into making his family think I was his fiancee, and even played into it after he woke up and let everyone think he had amnesia, then decided to ruin my wedding by admitting my love to Jack. All while we spent the week he was in a coma (Also semi disturbing, he was only in the coma for a week. I'll come back to this for sure) being all flirty and stuff. Then I ruined my potential wedding and then after humiliating both sets of brothers in front of their family, I ran off without saying a word, then Jack brought his whole family to my work and proposed to me. And that kids is the story of How I Met Your Father."

The other disturbing thing about this whole movie, is the time frame. The main plot starts some time before Christmas, as Lucy is pulling her tree into her window up the side of the building (why?) and Jerry trying to convince her to work Christmas. The earliest estimated time for this movie to start could be November 24th, which was Black Friday of 1995 (Please... PLEASE don't ask what kind of research I did for this). We know the conversation has to happen before December, as she was told by Jerry about her employee of the month status, which he uses to try and convince her to work Christmas. He mentions that she had worked Thanksgiving. So there. This conversation takes place in November. So the first 10 minutes or so of the movie happens from earliest November 24th, to latest November 30th, and then jumps to December 25th. Wow, almost a month in 10 minutes. This actually has nothing to do with my point, I'm just super proud of my powers of deduction LOLOLOLOLOL.

But, no matter what, the framing of the movie takes 4 weeks and a few days at it's most extreme, and 3 weeks and a couple of days at it's least. The time after the platform incident? One Week. So, seriously. Peter gets injured on Christmas, and comes to one week later (technically less than) on New Year's Day as the nurses and doctors in the hospital sing Auld Lang Syne when he opens his eyes. In what I can only say is a ball park estimate, after Peter has had a couple days and talks to her once, he re-proposes and they schedule a wedding in the hospital. I know this, because Peter is still in his hospital clothes and an IV. Coma patients take about 2-4 weeks before discharging, so this means everything from the moment he falls off the platform takes 3 weeks at best, 6 weeks at worst.

Did you hear what I just fucking said???? How psychotic is this shit?!!

And then an amount of time happens before Jack proposes. How long was that? The movie doesn't say. Did he let a month go by or 6? Pretty big detail for this movie to all of the sudden become ambiguous about.

This wouldn't work. None of this would work. This is unhealthy. I don't see any long term variation of this where they end up together in the end. The entire relationship is based on lies. Lies and manipulation. I would love to see a mid-2000s sequel with that era of humor mixed in with her tricking another family. It would be direct-to-DVD. This is something I'd watch.

I think that's all for now. I've trashed this movie enough. But seriously, I do enjoy this movie.

No, really. I do.



Monday, September 17, 2018

Pay Per View Review: WWE Hell In A Cell (2018)

We are back with another PPV Review. Yesterday's WWE show was better than it's been in a while... But still not flawless. I still had fun though. Maybe it's just because All In just happened, and WWE knew it had to up the ante a little bit. It still had stuff for me to rage about though.


There was only one match on the pre-show, and oddly enough, I actually caught it. I know I usually only reserve that for the big 4, but considering we were celebrating my Mama Cynth's birthday (Even though it was the day before) It was one of my favorite ways to spend a day. Also, I have a blog entry where we celebrated my wife's birthday, and I STILL haven't posted it. I'm wet human garbage. I'll get to it.

The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Big E w/Xavier Woods) (c) defeated Rusev Day (Rusev and Aiden English w/Lana) to retain the Smackdown Tag Team Championships - I gotta admit, I was super bummed to see this on the pre-show. It had a tournament involving the Bar, and had a good amount of build up, and still only made the pre-show. The only match on the pre-show. As per ushe, there were commercials during the match, and took away from the actual meaning behind it. Bummer. Still a decent match, but nothing compared to it would have been had it made the main card.


1. Randy Orton defeated Jeff Hardy in a Hell in a Cell Match - This feud has been confusing me for a while now. It kinda had to do with the United States Championship (allow me to take this time to say that I find if ridonk that Shinsuke Nakamura wasn't on the card defending the title. Or at all. Lame sauce) but they created a personal feud. And you know what? This shit fucking worked. I love how Jeff finally got his wish of being in a Cell match (I can't imagine most normal people would WANT to be in this) but these two put on an amazing match. I'm seeing a lot of memes of people being okay with blood, but cringing about the screw driver into the earlobe part. Fuck those people. One of my favorite matches is Cactus Jack vs. Triple H at the Royal Rumble. Street Fight. However, I never cringed the way I did when Randy Orton put a screw driver into Jeff Hardy's gauged ear and twisted it to no end. That's fucking terrible. Then Jeff pushed the limits of the cell and swung off the truss and landed on a table into nothing. He lost, of course. This match was the opener, and in my opinion changed the game of what it meant to be inside the cell. The ref tried to end it, but Randy insisted that he count him after the pin. The injury, the heel work, was exactly what you want out of this kind of match. It was perfect.

2. Becky Lynch defeated Charlotte Flair (c) to win the Smackdown Women's Championship - YES!!! Sorry... Trying to be objective. Sorry, can't. I wanted the result at Summerslam. And even when Becky "turned heel" she wasn't an actual heel. They put on the most amazing match, where Becky countered a spear and won. Charlotte wanted to shake her hand, and Becky said no, because WWE thinks Becky is the heel here. She's not. Becky said she won't let this moment get stolen from her. She is the face. Becky is the FACE OF SMACKDOWN. I won't apologize for this. Charlotte is a heel. It is what it is.

3. Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre (c) defeated The Shield (Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose) to retain the Raw Tag Team Championships - This match was the way tag team wrestling should be done. So many hot tags that didn't mean anything. We knew the Shield would win. We knew that. So Ziggler and McIntyre won. It was so incredible, I can't pimp this one out enough. It's what tag team wrestling in WWE should always be.

4. AJ Styles (c) defeated Samoa Joe??? for the WWE Championship??? - First of all.. the OLDEST CHAMPIONSHIP IN THE COMPANY IS STILL A MID CARD MATCH..... Secondly... It ended in controversy. AJ won after flipping the Coquina Clutch into a pin. But he tapped. This fucks everything up. AJ won, because the ref didn't see him obviously tap out. So this feud continues. As much as I love AJ... And I do... It's time for him to pass the belt on. He doesn't have the Okada style strangle hold on the belt. Let's change it up.

5. The Miz and Maryse defeated Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella - In a re-run of Wrestlemania when Nikki Bella and John Cena defeated Miz and Maryse... This time the heels won. Last PPV, Miz used brass knux. Here? Brie couldn't kick out. I'd love to see this be the feud of all feuds, and making Miz and Maryse win will only help the bottom line. We will love to finally, FINALLY watch Daniel Bryan beat the Miz... maybe at Wrestlemania?

6. Ronda Rousey (c) defeated Alexa Bliss to retain the Raw Women's Championship - So... I've made this joke before in private, but I'll make it now, my wife HATES Ronda Rousey in WWE. I feel like my wife just wants to sip the Haterade. Rousey can, CAN do better. But she still puts on entertaining matches. She was dealing with issues with her ribs, so she was in hell. But she eventually tore through Bliss and did her thing. Again, I couldn't imagine this match ending any other way.

7. Roman Reigns (c) and Braun Strowman went to a no contest in a Hell in a Cell match for the WWE Universal Championship with Mick Foley as the Guest Referee:  This match tried to do stuff. Braun was a beast for the majority of it. Then his guys, Ziggler and McIntyre came out. So the Shield responded. It ended up becoming a feud where Ziggler and Rollins crashed through a table. Then Brock Lesnar's music hit, he came out, Heyman dropped a bunch of goddammit bombs, he sprayed Foley in the eyes with mace, and then Lesnar layed out Strowman and Reigns with some F5's. and then a ref came out and declared the match over.


Are you fucking kidding me? It's become a meme (because it doesn't take long for that to happen) but Mick Foley got thrown off the cell, taken out on a gurney, then climbed back up, choke slammed through it again, and had a tooth fly into his nose.

I am not going to say that the new crop is soft. Because we can't expect every wrestler to do some life altering shit like this. But.....

Mankind kept going after being thrown off a cell, and then being chokeslammed off of the top.

That's all the context we need. 2 F5's, and these "Big Dogs" and "Monsters Among Men" fucking bitch out???

Sorry to say that these matches were over. It's so lame... But it is what it is.

So, my match of the night? It's hard to say. I loved the match between Jeff Hardy and Randy Orton. Good for them, they made a spectacle and it was disgusting. Huzzah for them.

But, I can't see another way around it. For me, there's only one match. Match of the Night is Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair for the Smackdown Women's Championship. Good for her. Love it. She made an ordinary match that could have ended in 4 minutes into a match that we never saw coming, and she fucking won. Then, she told her that her winning is more important than Charlotte's ego. This is perfection. This was story telling perfection. And I loved every second of it.

Future PPVs... You have a lot to learn from the 2 women who put on a clinic.



Wednesday, September 12, 2018


Anxiety... The lovely piece of shit that it is, means that something arbitrary means I am up later than I have any right to be. It is currently 4:13 AM while my wife is currently asleep, and I'm watching Tom Segura (my current favorite comedian) on Hot Ones (one of my favorite YouTube shows). So, why am I wide awake at 4:14 AM?

Because while my mind can't shut itself off, I remembered some stupid shit I suggested earlier tonight.

So, I have a Wedding Journal category that you can easily look up on my blog, and since I'm in the first year of our marriage, I oddly documented the first year of our engagement. I've even released some blogs documenting those first few months. Typical me.

One of the things I never wanted to do, for a few reasons, is publicly discuss what I spent on our wedding. Yes, I did go over budget. I will always recommend my buddy Bilbo for help with all this. He will keep your budget on point, but still. I wanted to be a cheap skate, but I still couldn't help it. I will never bring budget, or money consumption into anything I complain about on this blog.

With the exception of what I'm about to post. Because it's fucking hilarious, and my wife is asleep while I post this.

My wife is a full time worker at a well known entertainment company (I never got permission to say the name, so I just won't) and I'm a House Manager at the theater where I work and I work in the office of it. We will never be in the fortune 500, but we make a decent enough living. We can do better, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

We just bought a car from a co-worker of hers. Money is, and isn't an issue with us every week. We don't argue, but we discuss it every week.

Today, I wasted my time.

I transferred her money... Money she needed to make a car payment...

Just so she could give me money to make a payment for something... That was 10 dollars less than what I sent her.

No joke. I transferred her money that she will now have to send back to me. As per our mutual agreement.

Fuck my life. Haha. What a waste of time.