Monday, October 7, 2019

The State of Case

I've not been around much due to personal reasons. 

I won't be gone forever, but for the month of October I'll be making myself pretty scarce. 

I hope for some privacy for the time being.

I will resume my normal life at the end of the month, I will consider going back to Facebook, I will go back to live streaming on Twitch in November. 

I need to focus on me first, because I haven't done that in a long, long time.

Tatty bye.

Xomaxo,

Case

Monday, September 2, 2019

How Are Richard and Ava Doing?

It's been 2 and a half months since my most traumatic event in recent memory.

We said goodbye to our baby girl Bambi on June 20th. And it sucks. But, how are we actually doing?

Honestly, not great. We don't talk about it often, but we think about her every single day. I am always thinking of her. I decided to write on her urn like a cast, because it makes me feel better. I washed her collar the other day, because it was a bit greasy and I knew I couldn't keep housing a dirty collar. Maybe it's the start of me moving on.

I know this isn't too long, but I need you to know that we're still hurting. We're okay. But we miss our baby girl. She was so precious to us. And she had so much personality.

And now she's just fuckin' gone.

"What do you do when your foundation falls apart? I don't know. They don't teach you that in school." - Stevo, SLC Punk!

That quote will never not be true. And I'm sorry, but we're still reeling.

Xomaxo,

Case

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

What the F**k Is Up With Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?

Let's be real.

You all saw this coming for a long time.

It's time for me to finally write the blog I was meant to write.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is a whimsical children's movie from 1971 starring Gene Wilder. If you haven't seen it, get your life. It's a tale of Charlie Bucket (whom the book was freakin named after) who wins a golden ticket. He. Wins the golden ticket. Getting ahead of myself. Anyway, he wins a ticket to tour the Wonka factory of his dreams, some stuff goes down, there's a boat ride that is a nightmarish hellscape that makes you wonder how it got a G rating back then, and then a bunch of kids meet untimely ends that don't actually kill them. Haha, yeah okay. And then the boy with the heart of gold gets a factory in the end.

There's a lot to unpack here, so let's just dive on in.

Quick disclaimer, this will in no way be swayed by the 2005 Tim Burton/Johnny Depp remake. I only saw that once, and if I ever see it again it may get its own entry. For now, the only outside source I'll be citing will be the book if needed.

First of all, in this adaptation I wanna point out that Charlie's dad is dead. It definitely makes the woes of the Bucket family worse not having another set of hands to help, maybe they thought that a nuclear family in the 70's wouldn't be believable in poverty if the man were alive. Uh huh. I'm sure there's nothing more to that. Secondly, they are lugging around 4 geriatrics that haven't gotten out of bed in 20 years.

Hold the fuck up, right there. 20 years? It's never stated in the movie, it might have been in the book (quick sidebar, you'll have to forgive me if my memory of the book isn't that spot on, I haven't read it since the 4th grade) but it's assumed Charlie is between 10-12 years old, and personally I'm betting on right in the middle at 11. He doesn't seem quite so pre-teen to be at 12, but he's also not quite so kid like that he'd be on the lower spectrum of 10. So for all intents and purposes, let's go with 11. So by the time they chose to have Charlie, the grandparents will had to have been paperweights for 9 years. Why, in the name of everything that is holy (free beer) did they choose to bring another mouth to feed into the world? Now, I hate to divert back to the book, but they were poor then even with the dad. He had a shitty job in a toothpaste factory. So they decided, poorer as motherfuckers, to HAVE A KID WHEN THEY ALREADY HAD 4 GROWN UP KIDS TO FEED! Right off the bat, this is irresponsible as hell, and thrusting a child already into a crappy life that he didn't need to be a part of. Charlie didn't get to choose this.

I'm just warming up.

I do hear people complain that Charlie was bitching about not finding a ticket. Dude. He's a fucking kid. I just mentioned how he was born into an unfortunate life. Give him a break. That was until he chose his Grandfather to join him when he found the ticket. Why couldn't he have chosen his mom, who works her ass off and before the events of the movie where Charlie received his first pay day, was the only person in the house making money? Yeah, she may make some super bad decisions. Like, say, not finding a way to milk some insurance money after the unfortunate "accident" that should have befallen the grandparents. Or just... I dunno, dump them somewhere. Either way, Charlie should have taken mom. Bam.

What the fuck is up with that asshole who runs the candy shop in the beginning of the movie? He lets all these kids in there to loot his place and all he does is sing them a jaunty tune about how the candy man can do some shit. But when Charlie goes back later in the movie he clears his throat and wants payment. I dunno, maybe the kids all have tabs with him? I can't imagine kids just paid up previously, but either way it doesn't look good that he's nice to all the other kids but when the poor kid comes around he's rude to him. Fuck that guy.

I'm actually not gonna focus on any of the kids in this entry. Augustus Gloop, Veruca Salt, Violet Beauregard (there's a great theory about how she actually should have been the number one pick for Wonka to take over, but I didn't write that and as such is good for your Googling needs. Just, do that after you're done here, kay?) and Mike Teavee. Those kids' whole schtick was that they were the worst, so they don't need an explanation from me.

Oh yeah, and what was the teacher's deal? Not quite a prick but just... Weird.

I do enjoy all the little side scenes of powerful, rich, grown adults doing what they can to find a ticket too. Comical. Hey, I never once said I didn't actually like this movie, because I do.

Oh, and, what was the deal with that woman who straight up grabbed Charlie's arm when he found the ticket? That bitch would get a punch to the head by Ava if they tried that shit with one of our kids. Not that we have any, but she would. But, enough of all these side characters and their weird traits, let's move on to the main event: The factory itself.

As a kid, I used to fantasize about this place because it looked like paradise. Huge gummy bears on the trees, mushrooms with what looked like whipped cream or frosting in them, huge balls filled with melty chocolate, a freakin chocolate river. And as a kid, just like most kids who aren't child prodigies and become full of themselves much earlier than the average human twat, I didn't know a fuckin thing. I had no idea what I was looking at was an OSHA inspector's wet dream. Now, I won't dwell too long on this, Film Theory did an episode on this, I'm pretty sure this was covered on Cracked once or twice, but I'll give a quick run down. Veruca cuts her knee on an actual jagged rock, the fact that a fucking human being fell into a river of chocolate that I can only assume is to be used for human consumption, the Inventing Room has open containers, kids mouths just randomly explode. This factory is a death trap. How deadly? Well...

Augustus Gloop is totally dead. Like, the G forces he faced shooting through the pipe would be enough to disorient him for a good minute, but he got poured into the boiler and we all know it. Poor Violet exploded, you know that, right? Veruca got burned alive in the trash chute, and I'm sorry, the most ridiculous one of the bunch was Mike. You're telling me the first idea we came up with for a shrunk child was taffy pulling?? That's not how anatomy works. 4 seconds into the stretch he'd be pulled apart. Boom. Good job Wonka, you just ruined a perfectly good kid. That kid may have been a TV watching cowboy looking little shit, but still. This place is a nightmare. Hell, even Charlie almost died because of the fizzy lifting drinks. He managed to live, but he even admitted they were almost killed. This is the reality of all these situations. If we hadn't seen this on screen and he'd just gotten an Oompa Loompa song would we just be like "HA! Ohhh, that naughty boy. He sure got his comeuppance!" No, we'd be like "Holy shit, there's blood everywhere." Real life.

But good on Wonka. He found a successor for his factory without having to perform tedious interviews, and he did it while conducting a publicity stunt (don't fool yourself, that's all this movie was) that generated him outrageous amounts of revenue because of the demand for his Wonka bars all of the sudden. It's not like he was hurting for money anyway, but if I made all that money I wouldn't wanna go on either, I'd just cash out and live like a fat cat forever. With my lady in one arm and a never ending supply chicken wings whenever I fookin feel like it. But, it was still a good scheme at least.

But yeah. Wonka's a weird dude. Eccentric doesn't even begin to cover it.

Well, I think I've obliterated a beloved kids movie (again) long enough.

Xomax-

What?

Huh?

Oh shoot, I forgot a whole subject. Eh, I'll just put it here at the end, this probably won't take too much of my time.



Grandpa Joe.

Haha, so many of you who know me, you didn't actually think I'd commit a whole blog entry to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and not talk about the walking colostomy bag, did you? The vile piece of flaming garbage who would make me swipe right on a threesome with Hitler and Stalin were they still alive and happened to be on Tinder rather than just say "hi" to him?

Let's be honest, I'm sure many of you came to this entry for just this. Joe is a lying, manipulative scum bag who cares only about himself and has no remorse for anyone or anything in his path. I would wager he has a body count and is just laying low till the heat cools down.

But in all seriousness, he's the worst. First off, I know they were trying to cast someone recognizable in Jack Albertson, but he is inexplicably younger than the rest of the grandparents. He's supposed to be in his 90s in the book and he is... Not in his 90s in the movie. Not even remotely. The other paperweights, maybe. Grandpa George for sure. He looks like he stopped taking his heart medication like 6 years ago because he's just tired of being here. But Joe must be siphoning their life source or something. Maybe all that nasty cabbage water gives him powers.

So Charlie gets home from work/school/looking through a candy store window as the douche canoe who runs the place gives out handful after handful of free candy (seriously, he's a dick) and Joe is like "Wake up ya crusty fucks! That lil shit is home and he better have brought me my tobaccy!" and yeah, I remember that scene happening verbatim that way. But he claims that bread being a banquet means he shouldn't have tobacco. What actual fuck is this? How long... How long has he been doing this for? I've touched on this subject in the blog before, but was he just super abusive to everyone their whole lives that now even when bedridden they don't dare question his wrath? Homeboy has a body count, I'm telling you. Then there's the moment of truth. The song. "I've got a golden ticket" Bitch, you don't have shit! You're piggy backing off of your grandson's success, much like you've been piggy backing off of your daughter's lack of success, but I'm sure he doesn't care as long as the free ride continues. And then after 20 years he stands up and dances.

Ex-fucking-scuse me?! Nah dude. That's not a thing. I've also brought this up in a Facebook group I'm a part of (shout out to all you lovely haters of this prick) but in Kill Bill, it took Beatrix Kiddo, who is far more bad ass than Joe, 13 hours to will her legs to work after being in a coma for 4 years. If he allegedly hasn't walked in 20 years, not only how the fuck can he walk but HOW THE FUCK can he get up and sing and dance like he's trying to be Dick Van fucking Dyke???? I call full on bullshit!

Also, I briefly brought up how Charlie had a fizzy lifting drink? Yeah, Joe's idea. Just inarguable on that one. He almost killed his grandson. At least he'd have gone with him if everything had gone tits up.

Then the last line of his in the movie. It's simple, but it shows what a garbage pile he is. Wonka tells Charlie he can move in immediately, and Joe just asks "And me?" And I know it's seemingly innocent to most, but it goes to show what a self centered human being this piece of shit is. It's Charlie's factory now, but like we learned in the song "I've Got A Golden Ticket" he has no problem taking credit for Charlie's accomplishments.

So, the only course of action, and I'm sure you'll agree with me, is to send Grandpa Joe into the Great Glass Elevator and shoot him into the sun. This is the correct thing to do, I believe.


Oh, and did Augustus Gloop's father eat the microphone as he was being interviewed? What the fuck was that about?!

And that's truly it, I'm tapped out.

See you in the next one!

Xomaxo,

Case

Friday, June 21, 2019

Goodbye Bambi

Today my heart breaks a little bit. It'll heal at some point, but never be whole again


She was always so bad... So. Bad. At taking pictures. She was always moving. But you know what? That shit is charming to me, so the first pic is a blurry one, haha.


Me on the floor with her. Sorry about my hairy legs.


I've always loved this shot with dogs. And she looked so proud to take this photo.


Resting on our bed with her brother.


Coming to visit me while I worked from home one day.


I don't know what Ava was doing that had her attention, but I love her focus.


This is just perfection. It's about time she rested on him.


Look at that goofy face!


At Alosta Brewery.


She got to go on an adventure that day. Buddy was always touted as the more social one, but this was the day she came out of her shell and mingled with everyone. An older gentleman commented on how good a shape she was in for a beagle, saying most beagles her age were a bit pudgier. He asked me if she was an older girl because of how white her face was. I told him she was 12 and she was in fact an older gal. He pet her and said she's a very lovely lady.


This was the morning we left for Georgia. I'd leave them both alone for a week. Even though they both knew we were leaving, look at that tail wag. She was always so happy to see us.





For the past year I've noticed her get gradually slower as she walked. I knew she was an older dog, and if you knew her at all, you'd know that at about age 4 she was already an old dog. She was always low energy, and she was the outside dog of the house. I would spend time with her, but they didn't want her in the house because they said she couldn't be house trained, she was too old. Then when the back house became mine again, there was a terrible storm. I said absolutely no more. The back house wasn't main house adjacent, so if she had an accident that was gonna be my mess to clean up. But she never had an accident, with the exception of literally one time, and that was due to a 3 way miscommunication of who should have taken the dogs out, and that might have even been Buddy (doubtful though, it was a lot of piss, LOL!). So in her twilight years, I gave her a roof, and daily food, and water, and walks, and the occasional piece of steak even though Ava would disapprove. And I gave her a brother, and I gave Buddy a sister. They became a package deal.

About a month ago I noticed a bit of growth on her abdomen/nipple. She was a mangy dog when she was outside, and even though she was night and day from how bad she used to be, her mange would never fully heal. This started right when summer was hitting, and I noticed Bella got fleas and Buddy started scratching more. I figured she was inflamed from how it looked. Then a week ago she stopped eating. We noticed her nails were a little long and she didn't like to stand, so she would eat if we put the food in front of her. Then we got her nails did, and she was normal again. For a day. The next day, she wouldn't eat at all, wouldn't drink. She did her business and had diarrhea, and when I got home from picking up Ava from work she lost the use of her back legs and released her bladder. That's when we took her to urgent care.

Long story short, she had a form of breast cancer, and a 104 fever and was severely dehydrated. It would have been no small chunk of change to just diagnose her. The doctor made a blunt recommendation (which I will always appreciate) and we'd already accepted it, but last night we had her put down.

Just typing that is making me cry again. I thought my ducts were tapped out, but I guess there's more in there.

My old girl, my old lady, my princess, our little Bagel, passed away last night on 6/20. She is to be cremated. 

Do me a favor, if you have a pet, give them a hug for me. Because we are hurting beyond words right now. But we have to remain strong. Bambi is survived by her brother, Buddy, and we can't just fail him now because we hurt. He'll hurt too, and we gotta be there when he does.


Barbara Stanwick Kincaid Case XVIII of Brattenburg. June 2006 - June 2019

Xomaxo.

Richard Case



I'm not ready for this.

Monday, May 27, 2019

Georgia Trip Picture Gallery

We went on a trip to Georgia for our birthdays. Mine is in May, Ava's is in June. We also went to visit her brother. Here is the photo gallery of our trip. I won't caption each one, just ones that maybe need a bit of context.


The first picture we took after hitting the road from the airport.







Ava loves her nature shots.


Birdie on the deck!


This is Betsy. We like Betsy :)



On our way to spend the night in Savannah.



Ava loves water towers.





A silo!




Sup.




We arrived in Savannah.


There are actually turtle crossing signs.











We made it to the beach.


Possibly my favorite picture of my wife I've ever taken.


But I'm fuckin' cute too.







It's my first time on a beach on the East Coast. I liked it.




The water was so warm and nice. The freakin' Pacific Ocean always makes my toes hurt it's so cold.








Ava likes water towers, I like gazebos.





They wanted $20 to go towards the lighthouse. We found a loophole.








More turtle crossing!







Up to this point I haven't given this any love, but this was the rental car we had while we were there. Nissan Versa, and it was very nice.








Look, it's the fountain from that one Tom Hanks movie. 








Her hair didn't like the humidity.


Neither did mine.



I like bridges.


And it was time for booze. Because it was us, haha.








Our hotel told us they were having a free social event. Seemed a good reason to pregame and double fist.



For people who like history.




I'm sorry to say this brewery didn't wow us AT ALL. It was a military themed brewery and the staff were all in the service, so props to that. But the beer itself wasn't stellar.




We got Dunkels. So goddamn tasty.



We were pretty toasty by this point, so I got bratwurst and polish sausage with pomme frites. 


Ava got schnitzel. German potato salad is the perky tits. Not like American potato salad. Why do we have to put mayonnaise in so much stuff?











Just us.



We did a mead tasting. It was awesome. But we got a parking ticket because we stayed too long and I only paid for an hour. It was only 20 bucks though.



#NotSponsored








We got southern bbq. We both got the pulled pork, cajun rice, and mashed potatoes and gravy. Ava got the collard greens, and I got sweet potatoes. Those are little corn bread cakes. This was 2 meals each, leftovers are a great thing.






Betsy and Tom Segura. I had some alone time while Ava and Alex went shopping.


This mead was so good I bought a bottle after the tasting.


Savannah River!




It was blurry, but I tried to get a shot of us crossing into South Carolina.



An amazing distillery in South Carolina.



Alex and Ava.








And back to Georgia.


This place had some good beer.



So much seafood. It was a place called the Juicy Crab and it was freakin' fantastic.


Trey and Alex.


Bibs are a must.


Sexy as fuck.



This was a damn good Chardonnay.




The bottle is hard to read, but it says Ava Grace. Ava's sister is named Grace so it was cool.


This is the gift Alex made us. Shut up, you were crying.


Sparkleberry! This was the last shot we got as we drove back to the airport.

And that's it! It was a load of fun and if you made it this far, hope you enjoyed the pictures!

Xomaxo,

Case