Saturday, May 19, 2018

Wedding Journal - 6 Months Later

What? It's been 6 months already? No fucking way.

Yup. It totally has.

Ava started a new job at VER, I got promoted to House Manager at the Haugh. It's been a great start to our marriage.

Buddy just turned 10. Love the little guy.

Because of the new stuff we have going on, we are of course behind on Thank You notes. We haven't forgotten, people.

We have so much stuff that we want to do with our lives. I almost said new lives, but our lives aren't that new to us, just our marriage, haha. But I'm excited to see what comes next. But that will have to wait for the next, and absolute final Wedding Journal, 6 more months from now.

Let's make some shit happen!



Monday, May 14, 2018

Breaking Up With Your Mom

Close friends don't really need to read this entry, unless you want to, because this is old news for you. New friends, or friends I lost contact with and now we talk again may not know about how I spend my mother's day.

I got my auntie, we call her Mama Cynth, I also have Ava's mom, since the day I met her we've always called Alicia "Mama" like everyone else does, and we also have Yolanda, Ava's dad's wife. So I'm not without my mommy figures, but for the most part mother's day sucks for me. It's just a brutal reminder that my own mom and I broke up some time ago.

Weird analogy? What else would you call it? It can be sometimes a minimum of an 18 year relationship that ends ugly, except rather than choosing to enter said relationship, you're born into it. You don't have a choice.

Also, side bar. Go into a group of people and say that your mom is a bitch. The response is priceless. You get people who go out of their way to avoid eye contact, you get your heroes who have no clue what you've been through, but still feel it appropriate to tell you not to talk about your mom that way (priceless heroes, them), and very rarely someone will relate.

The reason for this entry? It's simple: don't shame me. Or anyone else who has had the misfortune of breaking up with their mom or dad. I have had to break up with both. You don't know what I've been through with them, and you don't know how poison we are when we're together. I never have said I didn't love the woman, but I don't like her or anything about her. You can love someone very much, even with all your heart, and know that it's best for everyone involved that you two aren't together anymore. This is how relationships work, whether it is with a girlfriend/wife, boyfriend/husband, or even with a mom or dad.

This was the first Mother's Day in a long time where I didn't brood, I didn't have a pity party, and I wasn't bitter. The only thing that irked me was seeing posts where people are like "Call your mother because you never know!" Kind of thing. I mean, if your mom is your favorite person, then by all means, please hit up your mom. Don't fucking wait for Mother's Day, hit her up right now. I text/call Cynth regularly. Sometimes she just misses talking to me, and we end up killing an hour just catching each other up on our lives, and that's how it should be. But for fuck's sake, I don't need to hear about what an awful person I am because I don't speak to that woman anymore.

I have close friends who, even a couple years later, are still devastated by their break ups with their ex girlfriends. But I'm just supposed to "Don't let it bother you, blood doesn't make you family"??? Fuck outta here with that shit! I broke up with someone. I had a 26 year relationship end because I finally saw through the bullshit and didn't like what I saw. I realized what I was to her, and I felt like a pawn. I busted out of that shit in a fashion I wish some other people I know would do the same. I'm a fucking champion, goddammit. I won't feel shame for this anymore.

So, I genuinely hope you fine mothers had a good time yesterday, and I hope you kids who have moms did right by them. But that isn't gonna be me, and I'm motherfucking okay with that. I refuse to feel guilty about this anymore.

Now, having said that, I have hot wings to make, because Ava's mom likes hot wings and we didn't get our hang out yesterday. I'd say they'd make the Food Journal, but I've done wings so many times they don't need to.



Monday, May 7, 2018

Pay Per View Review: WWE Backlash (2018)

I heard that the next WWE PPV is in 6 weeks, and it's Money in the Bank.

Good. For fuck's sake, between a 5 hour Wrestlemania, a 5 hour Greatest Royal Rumble, and a 3 hour Backlash, in the course of the last month, this shit has been exhausting. I will be happy to have a 6 week break from doing PPV reviews. Unless I get a shot at being able to watch New Japan Dominion 2018. But that's also in June, so I get a break for a bit.

This PPV was brutal. Like, agonizing to watch. There was a lot wrong with this PPV, so let's just dive into this.

I didn't watch the Kick Off Show. Meh, I heard I didn't miss much.

1. Seth Rollins (c) defeated the Miz to retain the Intercontinental Championship - This match set a standard that no one else was able to follow for the rest of the night. If they did this at the end of the night, it would have been even better, because I can't emphasize this enough: No other match on the card came close to following this one. Miz and Rollins put on an amazing, AMAZING match, and it set the tone for a night that wasn't prepared to deliver.

2. Nia Jax (c) defeated Alexa Bliss to retain the Raw Women's Championship - While not a perfect match, I don't think this one was as bad as other people think it is. I like that Alexa Bliss got a lot of offense in, as I don't like squash matches, and since Bliss held that title for as long as she did, it would devalue her completely to be squashed, even with Jax being the powerhouse she is. This was a match. Nothing much more to say.

3. Jeff Hardy (c) defeated Randy Orton to retain the United States Championship - I never thought I'd say this about a Jeff Hardy match, but... This shit was boring! Randy Orton kept the pace super slow for the whole match, until a random Twist of Fate into a Swanton Bomb, boom, clean win for Hardy. I'd skip this one.

Then there was a promo segment. I've been vocal about how I feel about promo segments on PPVs, but I admit it was entertaining. Elias, New Day, Rusev and Aiden English, No Way Jose, and Bobby  Roode in a funny musical segment. Whatever, haha.

4. Daniel Bryan defeated Big Cass - Damn straight. Daniel Bryan actually made Cass look not awful. It wasn't overly long, and Bryan made Cass tap like a bitch. Then he attacked Bryan after the match. Not a great match, but I'm happy with the result.

5. Carmella (c) defeated Charlotte Flair to retain the Smackdown Women's Championship - Carmella, screaming at the top of your lungs during most of your match isn't going to distract from the fact that you are incapable of putting on a match actually worth watching. I zoned out during most of this one, and I have a hard time suspending my belief that Charlotte didn't just destroy her in 5 minutes or less. The fact that Carmella got the win makes this an eye rolling affair. I tried, I really tried to give Carmella a chance, but I still just can't stand her.

6. AJ Styles (c) and Shinsuke Nakamura fought to a no contest for the WWE Championship - 2 PPVs in a row with a no contest. This isn't fucking Smackdown on free (ish) TV. These are PPVs. We're done. Moving on.

7. Braun Strowman and Bobby Lashley defeated Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens - Oh yeah, forgot this one was on the card. It was okay, but for whatever reason Sami and Kevin teased a break up? They've kind of been doing this on and off on some occasions, and it's not very consistent when they decide to do it. The whole thing was very forgettable.

8. Roman Reigns defeated Samoa Joe - Yup. Roman wins. Lol. Why in the fuck did this throw away match go on last when there was a WWE title match on the card? In fact, why the FUCK was there 2 matches AFTER the WWE Title match?? For fuck's sake, there were "This is boring" chants, as well as "beat the traffic" chants. People were straight up leaving during the match, and it, like many others in the night, was super boring! I know Joe is better than this, and despite himself, I know Reigns can put on a better showing than this. This match was complete garbage. Skip this one if you haven't seen it.

Maybe if there aren't any more PPVs for 6 weeks, they can shake things up until then and either get new writers or someone can have a come to Jesus moment with Vince and the booking, because I don't think it can get much worse than this one.

Match of the Night

It's not even a discussion. It goes to Seth Rollins vs. The Miz, for not only being the best match of the night, but maybe the only good match of the night. This match was so good, even if this card was unstoppable it might have still been match of the night.

Money in the Bank not only needs to be better, it needs to be watchable. Because I don't consider Backlash watchable. If you haven't seen it yet, watch the first match, and skip the rest or just watch Ups and Downs on WhatCulture Wrestling's YouTube channel.

Glad to be done for a while.



Friday, April 27, 2018

Pay Per View Review: WWE Greatest Royal Rumble (2018)

This was a long event. Like, holy crap long.

There was actually no Kick-Off show for this one, only the main show. Cool.

There were no Women's matches on this card. It was in Saudi Arabia, and while things are becoming more progressive in the Middle East, they aren't there quite yet. That's a whole other topic that I will not get into here, but may write up a post in a few days about it.

1. John Cena defeated Triple H - This was a great way to kick off this massive PPV. These two have only wrestled one on one a handful of times, so this was a real treat. These two put on a great opener, and I'm not bummed at all the Cena won. This was the right way to start such an important event.

2. Cedric Alexander (c) defeated Kalisto to retain the WWE Cruiserweight Championship - Man, these two put on a damn fine match. Lot's of high flying and stiff action, just showing once again why the Cruiserweight division is one of the most underrated in the company.

3. Woken Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt defeated The Bar (Sheamus and Cesaro) to win the vacant Raw Tag Team Championships - This was a decent enough tag team match, but was just a little obvious. The Bar got drafted to Smackdown, so it was kind of obvious they wouldn't win the Raw Tag Titles. Still, happy it ended the way it did.

4. Jeff Hardy (c) defeated Jinder Mahal to retain the WWE United States Championship - This match was okay enough, and then Jinder Mahal totally botched the Whisper in the Wind. I couldn't take it seriously after that. Spoiler, that will be a frequent theme for this event.

5. The Bludgeon Brothers (c) defeated The Usos to retain the Smackdown Tag Team Championships - This one was kind of short, but solid enough. If they are trying to make the Bludgeon Brothers seem unstoppable, this was a good way to start.

6. Seth Rollins (c) defeated Finn Balor, The Miz, and Samoa Joe in a Ladder Match to retain the WWE Intercontinental Championship - A hard hitting ladder match with 4 guys who are good in the ring? A great match. The way this ended was possibly the most realistic ladder match ending I've ever seen. Seth got on the ladder quickly and just grabbed the belt, and didn't dick around for 12 years like other ladder matches seem to do. It sucks though, because when he pulled the belt down, one of the side plates hit Balor in the eye and opened him up. That had to hurt.

7. AJ Styles (c) and Shinsuke Nakamura fought to a double count out for the WWE Championship - This match, though ending in a double count out... Yeah... was everything that was missing from their Wrestlemania match. Having Nakamura as a heel was the last ingredient they needed, and while we didn't get a finish, this match told a better story than their Wrestlemania match.

8. The Undertaker defeated Rusev w/Aiden English in a Casket Match - Man... I was happy when this match got canned originally, as I didn't wanna see Rusev LITERALLY get buried. But it just continues. I would have much rather seen Undertaker and Jericho. I can't believe I had to see Rusev AND Aiden English buried, and on Rusev Day of all days.

9. Brock Lesnar (c) defeated Roman Reigns in a Cage Match to retain the WWE Universal Championship - It was as redundant as their Wrestlemania match, but the cage made it more enjoyable. I realize now just how limited Brock is. I was actually rooting for Roman Reigns for once, and he speared him right through the cage. The rules stated that whoever's feet touch the ground first, will win the match. That was Roman. But since Brock hit first, the ref ruled that Brock retained. Lol, wut? Okay, whatever.

10. Braun Strowman won the Greatest Royal Rumble by last eliminating Big Cass

Final 4

Braun Strowman
Big Cass
Daniel Bryan
Kevin Owens

This one was crazy. A lot of NXT guys came in, Rey Mysterio came back again, Chris Jericho was number 50, Titus O'Neil tripped and slid under the ring so fast that I thought Corey Graves was going to have a fit from laughing on commentary. The big thing to talk about is that the Iron Man of the match, Daniel Bryan, set a new Royal Rumble longevity record of 1 hour, 16 minutes, and 5 seconds, breaking Rey Mysterio's 2006 record. It was pretty cool though, I did want Daniel Bryan to win, but I'm still cool with Strowman picking up the win. But a green belt at the end? Is he going to carry that around with him from now on? I thought the trophy was pointless enough, but they made a title belt to go with it. Uh, okay.

While kind of an entertaining show, this was kind of just a glorified house show. Not that it's a bad thing, but no real storylines were furthered, and what I kind of don't like is that there isn't a lot of replay value. I mean, the 50 man Rumble was cool, though.

Match of the Night

I'm gonna have to go with the Intercontinental Ladder Match. Lot of high energy, a lot of cool spots, and the crowd was into it. The look on Balor's face when he had his fingers on the title and Seth just swooped in and took it was priceless. They've been tagging a lot lately, and this could start a feud between the two.

That's all for this one. Long. Loooong PPV though.

I'm hungry.



Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Borderlands: My Vault Hunter Rankings

It took a while, I've mentioned Borderlands in previous posts, but this is the first full on post that will revolve around Borderlands. If fact, it's the first of 3. Until Borderlands 3 comes out. If... It comes out. Your move, Gearbox.

Anyway, I say this is the first of it's kind, and that's because of the 3 released games, I will be ranking the Vault Hunters of all 3 games. I was gonna do this all in one hit, but I realized that would be a loooooong ass entry. Even I don't have time for that. Since I got what I needed from the first Borderlands, I decided to start this entry now. I have 1 1/2 playthroughs to go through in Borderlands 2, and the Pre-Sequel, well... That's gonna take me some time.

I should mention, that this is a telling of just the main campaign, not the DLCs, and not all of them have gone through the second playthrough. Also, this applies to a lot of the other games too. Having said that, I know that Vault Hunters get better in higher playthroughs because you can unlock better more skills the higher you get. That being also said, this won't be too analytical, just an impression I get from each character. So, in order of the intro video...


The Hunter. Mordecai is a skinny dude who dresses weird. He can either be deadly with pistols, his bird Bloodwing (which is his action skill), or my personal favorite, sniper rifles. If you spec enough into his sniper tree, you get his last skill "Trespass" which if you spec 5 points into it, you get a 100% chance of ignoring shields. Not gonna lie, that skill is pretty freaking sweet. It makes short work of the Guardians, who are weak themselves, but their shields are pretty durable. His defense isn't super awesome though. I had a moderate/hard time with Mordecai. He was also the first character I ever used in the whole franchise, so maybe I just didn't know how to use him back then. I've gone back to him again though, and had less issue the second time.


The Siren. Lilith is a woman with really awesome powers and light blue tattoos on her body. While she does have a huge proficiency with SMGs, she is the best character in the game to use elemental damage. Her action skill Phasewalk let's her vanish and cause elemental damage and increase her movement and re-appear after a few seconds, and you can make it to where when she comes back she causes a massive explosion. Here's the thing, I found her to be totally overpowered. In my first playthrough with her, towards the end of the game, I was seriously undefeated. I had fallen into Fight For Your Life like twice, maybe, and got my second wind both times. I was going for it, and then after killing Baron Flynt I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking and fell off a ledge to my death. Haha, of all the ways for my first one to happen.


The Soldier. Roland is a former member of the Crimson Lance who deserted and became a Vault Hunter. Roland can be either a good support character with his Scorpio Turret, or an amazing gunner with a specialty in Combat Rifles. Personally, I found Roland to be pretty easy. His skills that boost all of his bullet damage, and class mods that regenerate ammo (also, a Crimson Lance asshole straight up dropped the Guardian, a Legendary Combat Rifle that regenerates ammo) so I because pretty damn unstoppable in the endgame. I don't have too much to report here except that with the build I used, Roland's gun damage was freaking unreal. I had a medium/easy time using Roland.


The Berserker. For being as fucking tall as he is, you would think he'd have more tank-like abilities. Also, I should mention, that I don't like melee characters. Especially in fucking shooter games. His action skill, Berserk, makes you go into a rage and punch everything. As effective as this is, when it wears off you better flee so you don't get shot a million times. I don't know if I just sucked with Brick, but me and him absolutely did not click. I fell into Fight For Your Life so often with him and died more times than I'd like to admit.

Alrighty, here is my ranking

Brick - Last
Roland- 3rd
Mordecai - 2nd
Lilith - 1st

If you've played this game, you know there is no comparing to Lilith. My rankings almost seem like difficulty modes. Lilith being the easiest and Brick being the hardest. Unless you can figure melee characters better than I can, I would rather not play as Brick again. I do enjoy my Mordecai still, as sniping is my favorite. He may be my personal favorite, but I'm not gonna sit here and try to tell you he's the best person to use.

You may disagree with me on my choices. To that I say:

Signing up for your own blogspot is easy. I look forward to reading your blog.

That's all for now! Other entries like this coming soon.



Censor Bars


You probably don't go too far back in my back catalog of entries... I don't blame you, they kind of suck. If I go back far enough I start to cringe at my writing style, and how I used to, and still sometimes do, use this blog as a venting mechanism.

It is pretty bad.

Contained in those old entries, are things that I have to cover now. I won't get too far into the specifics, but now more than ever... or just ever to begin with, The Case Files is a bit under a microscope now. Certain things have come up, and what was my own personal blog is now under the radar of those that I never figured I would have to contend with. We will see how petty things can get, I like to cover my bases though. Certain entries will now have to be covered or... Censored. Ugh. Just admitting to that makes me sick.

I mean, I don't make money off this blog. No one can own a last name. I can pretty much say whatever I want, but just in case some adult infants wanna throw a tizzy and possibly bring legal issues, some entries that I deem the need to keep myself out of trouble will now feature this disclaimer and these bars:

"Due to the potential of legal issues, I had no choice but to... Um. "censor" this entry."

And some text will feature these.

Why in the fuck do I feel the need to bend over to cunts like you? I can't believe how sad you are that you have to feel threatened by my blog and my company that's not even off the ground yet. I know you twats value money over anything, so I'm sure you're the kind to sue over something as arbitrary as a last name. I told you that you can't own a last name, and I am fucking standing by it. This is why I am doing this half-assed censor, as opposed to just deleting the entries. Anyone with half a brain can just highlight the text and know there are actual words here. Fuck. You.

I deeply apologize, dear readers for any inconvenience this may cause you.



10 Super Hard Video Game Bosses

I have been working on another entry, one that requires participation from other people, but not enough of those people have responded, so I can't do that one just yet, so I gotta do something in the meantime.

So, while I wait for responses that may or may not actually come, I shall write up this entry to keep things rolling.

I also have another gaming entry I'm working on, as well as a special PPV Review coming on Friday evening the day of the PPV. Usually I wait a day, but this one will come out the same day as the PPV.

So, let's get started on this one already! This entry will feature what I find to be my own personal top 10 hardest video game bosses. There are of course many others out there, but hey, it's my list, and as usual, smell that finger Quahog.

I should also mention that some games that feature Raid bosses that really should be done with groups of people, will not be included on this list. Crawmerax and Terramorphous are a pain in the ass, but the games themselves recommend getting some friends for them. Also, some of these are final bosses, but not all of them. So here I go!

10. Doctor Fetus, Super Meat Boy - The concept of this fight is a massive pain in the ass. There is a row of scrolling buzz saws ahead of you and a row behind you, making sure you can't go too far forward or lag behind. This is all while trying to navigate the unforgiving platforming of the game, as well as the fact that Doctor Fetus is following you the whole time with a rocket launcher. Then after killing Doctor Fetus, you have another unforgiving platforming section to escape his lair. Super Meat Boy is one of, if not the hardest games I've ever played. So why is this entry so high up on the list? Simple. Both parts to this final boss have massive exploits that make it so much easier. That first row of blades I told you about? Easy to get ahead of it, and once you do, you can stand on the button you need to release the bridge. But won't the blades kill you? I hear you ask. Fear not. Trust Uncle Case and have no fear, though they may connect, they will never kill you (I mean, unless that got patched since I last tried it). And the second part has an exploit where you near the end, you don't need to go through the last buzz saw maze, just jump up from the bottom most ledge and you'll easily finish it. As hard as it is to do it legitimately, it's also super easy to exploit. Another reason he's on the list? The Dark World version. Doctor Fetus is the only boss in the Dark World, but in this version, the platforming is way harder. But... The exploits are still there. So spot 10 this will stay.

9. The Ebony Warrior, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Reached level 80 yet? Don't worry if you haven't, the only reason I was able to do this one was because I maxed out my levels thanks to the now patched Oghma Infinium glitch. But once you reach level 80, you'll be approached by the Ebony Warrior who has defeated everything he's every fought, and would love to be sent to Sovngarde by a worthy adversary. He will confront you in any of the holds... Usually. Skyrim is really buggy, after all. He wears all Ebony armor and has some good ass weapons on his side. He has unreal defense and can heal himself multiple times. Oh, and did I mention he's crazy strong and can wipe out like 3/4 of your health in a hit if you're not careful? He's rough, but his gear is pretty worth it.

8. Deadlift, Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel - Deadlift is the second boss of the Pre-Sequel. No Joke. But he is easily the most annoying. In 3 playthroughs, Normal Mode, True Vault Hunter Mode, and Ultimate Vault Hunter Mode, he has consistently put me down in every playthrough. I'll eventually get lucky and find a way to kill him, but this boss battle is in such a large area, he keeps jumping in and out of sight with his jump pads, and for a first boss he has a crazy regenerating shield. If I know I'm gonna be starting a new playthrough of the Pre-Sequel, I have to mentally prep myself for this guy. Because as the second boss, and the first one, Flame Knuckle is just a tutorial boss, it's not like there are a TON of sidequests you can do to level up, and I guess you could grind a bit for experience, but should you really have to grind for a second boss? This guy gives a definitive probably not!

7. Mike Tyson/Mr. Dream - This one is a classic, and I'm lucky enough to have owned this game on the NES so I could actually beat Mike Tyson. If you play this game on the Wii Virtual Console, you'll only have Mr. Dream to fight. Don't get me wrong, his move set is identical to Mike Tyson, he was just replaced. And no, it isn't because of his arrest charge in the 90s, it was a licensing issue. The first time I ever beat Mike Tyson was by decision. Oh yeah, you can beat him by decision. But the very first time his movement was erratic, he threw an uppercut and I went down. The fuck?! Yeah, that'll happen. So you know the best thing about this fight, is that even now, as many times as I've beaten this boss, I can still turn it on, put in the code, and the anxiety all comes back to me whether or not I can actually do it. And guess what? Sometimes I don't! I can still get beaten in this one. It's all in good humor now, but if that doesn't warrant him for this list then I don't know what will.

6. Silver Sonic/Eggman Mech, Sonic the Hedgehog 2 - This a two part battle, and honestly, to this day, I can do it fairly easily. When I first did this all those years ago, it was the hardest thing I thought I'd ever play (ha.) and even now, I do get nervous when the Mech comes out of the ground and towers over me, and that music hits. Because even if I do it now, I cannot, CANNOT forget, that in this last stage you have no power rings, and that means no back-up plan should you fuck up. It's a one-and-done kind of thing. Maybe its nostalgia, like the Mike Tyson one, but this one felt wrong to omit from this list.

5. Albert Wesker, Resident Evil 5 - The most recent game I've played on this list, it was my first time playing it and I did it online co-op with a buddy of mine from work. Not only did this make me rage quit, it made me rage quit in front of someone I've never raged in front of before. All kinds of hilarity. This fight isn't too bad, honestly, it's just the part where Sheva has to button mash to hold on to the ledge. I've never been beaten by a good button mashing before, but this one got me more times than I could count. Then we swapped and he nailed it twice in a row! Rage!!! Either way, it is satisfying to kill this guy.

4. Dullahan, Golden Sun: The Lost Age - And no, not the version from Golden Sun: Dark Dawn. We... Don't talk about that game... Sigh, so much wasted potential... Anywho, Dullahan is an optional boss in the Anemos Inner Sanctum, and defeating him will get you the summon Iris, the single most powerful summon in the game. Having said that, you don't think the game would just HAND you the single most powerful thing in the game would they? Hell no! This game uses a lot of mythological creatures, gods, deities etc. as summons, but they went and got Dullahan, who in Irish folklore is basically the headless grim reaper. This motherfucker attacks 4 times a turn, and usually can cause devastation in that first turn. He can use Djinn Storm, which can drain all of your Djinn, thus rendering your whole party much much weaker. He can use the Charon summon that you already know, and has a chance to one hit down your characters at random. I do not recommend going toe to toe with him, unless you have a sick ass build. I personally go with the summon rush, and he still will usually wipe out party number 1, and party number 2 will usually pick up the pieces. All 8 of my characters are level 99 and I still can't go toe to toe with him. Asshole.

3. Koloktos, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword - Fuck. This. Asshole. Seriously. First of all, this is coming from my LEAST favorite Zelda game I've ever played. That's already enough to warrant any other boss from that game on that list. Although I did enjoy the Ghirahim fights. This guy is a giant automaton, and he's a fucking dick! He has a weak spot, but he has so many arms that you can't get close enough to hit it, so you have to use your whip when he attacks to remove his limbs, then you can rail him with your sword!... Until he cages his weak spot and comes out of the ground and grows legs and becomes the size of a small building. You can then use your whip to pull off a limb that now holds enormous swords that he pulled out of nowhere, and use it to cut him down and destroy the cage that holds his weak spot. You have to do this like 3 or 4 times total. I still never die in Zelda games (that was, until Breath of the Wild), but this guy pushes what I can do. I hate him!

2. Eclipse/EOS, Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel - What. The fuck?! I know I usually don't include more than one from one franchise in these entries, LET ALONE more than one from the same game, but I'm not wrong here! This thing plays like a goddamn raid boss to me. Or am I missing something? This is a two part battle, which is kind of technically a three part battle. The only reason I'm not including 5H4D0W-TP as part of this battle is because after you kill Shadow Trap (I'm not spelling it the actual way again), is because you get the opportunity after killing Shadow Trap to save and reload your ammo/health/guns before starting the final fight. This piece of work has an unreal shield, many glitches and other bots that are helpful if go into Fight For Your Life, but this big ass motherfucker also launches a ton of homing missiles at you. Then when you finally find a way to hide from him somehow and whittle down his health, guess what? HE TURNS INTO EOS! A second form who regenerates his shield. I couldn't believe how rough this fight was. At least the first time you do it, he spits out a legendary after your character gives him shit about it.

1. Master Core/Master Fortress, Super Smash Bros. Wii U - This one, more than any other, gives me the most hell. I think it's because I forget to play him like a special boss battle, and I still try to play him like I would an actual opponent in Smash, and you can't treat it that way. You have to plan shit out. Make smart choices, not just fight it like you would a regular computer. If you do this, you're going to have a bad time. His fight seems to go on forever, and then you actually have to go inside the Master Fortress. It is, for me, the most anxiety I've ever gotten fighting a boss. And I see people online beast this motherfucker, and I'm sitting here like... Did I miss something? Is there something I didn't get a memo on? Because I am ashamed to admit how many tries this guy will routinely take for me. All these years later, and as good as I am at Smash against my friends, this damn thing still makes me rage quit. And of course there's the insulting finish where he's just a little ball waiting for you to destroy it. Patronizing. That's what that is.

Ugh. I just wanna play something easy now. Maybe I'll put on some Clash of Heroes. That game is very enjoyable.